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There She Is

We all tend to wear masks in our everyday living. We usually don’t expose our real true self to anyone unless we trust them enough and even then it takes years to really show yourself. At least that is my case. I don’t purposely wear masks but I think over the years as I have experienced all kinds of trauma in my life they just naturally appeared and it takes time to peel those onion layers away.  I am even shocked when I see a glimpse of my real true self.

You know, that self that shines! Eyes bright, the guard let down.  When all the pretenses drop. I didn’t even know that I did that until I met the “man”, the man that I was going to marry.

The first time he said it, shocked me. We were lying in bed, cuddling and talking and then I got real, and I guess that was what was happening, vulnerable in a way that only comes with someone that I have known for years. But this man, for all intense purposes I didn’t even “really” know. It was at the beginning of our relationship. It was so full of passion and electricity it took us both by storm. Really knocked us both out. How could we feel this way about each other after a short time period? But there was no denying it and other people, strangers would pick up on our electricity and it would make them smile.

He said 3 simple words that impacted me in a way I never would have thought. He looked at me and said, “There she is”, and it stopped me in my tracks. I immediately started to cry. He saw me. I mean really saw me. The whole enchilada the beautiful mess that was me.  No one and I mean no one has ever said that to me and I knew by looking into his baby blues that he really meant it.  He was so taken back when I started to cry and he didn’t know why.  I then explained to him the meaning of that powerful statement to me.  He shed a tear too.

After that, when I had my guard up and when I put on that tough face (which is how I protect myself), he would say to me “ Where’s my girl?” and instantly I would become real and soft and we could work out whatever disagreement we had been going through.

I couldn’t wait to marry this man, he really knew me. Unfortunately, we never got a chance, he died this year. Which is a whole other story I might write about someday.

I wish is that everyone can find someone that truly sees who you are and if you do snatch that person up!

It took a long time to find him so I am hoping that I am blessed again someday to meet someone else that can really see me.

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