Skip to content

decisions

Part 3- Cured of Depression

So after a couple of weeks at the center I went off my meds for depression. Within a few days I started to decline in my mental state. First symptom was I felt tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I got. That is always my very first indication of a dive into the darkness. Then a very flippant I don’t give a crap attitude, swearing like a trucker (more then usual), feelings of  guilt, hopelessness and worthlessness set in. Lack of concentration and loss of interest in life. The black hole. Darkness

Every day my friend would ask me ” how are you doing?” and I would respond “here it comes.” I spoke of the depression that held unto me for 25 years like something out of a horror movie. This depression had become my worst enemy and I felt like I was trapped in it forever. Depression was forever ….wasn’t it?

In about 1 week I was hard pressed to get out of bed. This one particular day as we were starting bible study the leader asked me a question. To be honest I can not even remember the question but I do remember that it invoked such rage, defiance and rebellion in me. If looks could kill the poor guy would be dead and he knew it. I was ready to blow this popsicle stand and leave this God behind!

That’s it everyone, its time to pray, he said.  All 10 people stood up and gathered around me and raised there hands towards me. Some touched my shoulders or my head. Most of them spoke in their prayer language of Spanish. I couldn’t understand their prayers but God did.

I started to cry. I was told I needed to ask this Jesus person, someone I did not know, to heal me. I raised over my head lifted high and I started to pray. My prayers were like a child, not flowery with beautiful words or scripture just a “please I don’t want this to control my life any longer” more of a plea then a prayer.

I felt like my insides were being pulled. Like a tug of war with my guts, like something didn’t want to let go of me. A gust of air escapes my lungs like I had been punched in the stomach. The prayers and voices went silent. I felt exhausted and I didn’t feel like anything was different.  I felt the same depression only now I was really tired! Huh see nothing happened! This God doesn’t care about me. I went to bed. I slept hours and hours but before I went to sleep I felt hopeless again.

The next day I awoke with a song in my heart! I felt something I never before felt, maybe never felt in my life. I felt freedom! I felt like the world that I was carrying was lifted from my shoulders. I had a smile on my face which was not forced

Was I cured? I was cautiously optimistic. For the first few months I waited for that dark place with no color or light start to creep in, but it never did. It has been almost 3 years and I finally threw away all my medication after the second year. I continued to think it was a fluke, it was the Mx sunshine. It was anything but an actual super-natural miracle from God! Today I know I was relieved from this deadly, mind-altering disease by Jesus.

My life has changed because of His gift to me and I know now that He has given me many gifts that I never recognized that it was from Him!

Today I have hope. And in the last 3 years I have not had a hint of any kind of depression. I am truly free. Now I just need to have him help me kick the nicotine habit! And He will in his time.

Matthew 11 : 25-30

28 ” Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden light”.

 

 

decision

 

The decision to move to Mexico was full of apprehension and excitement. All my life I felt like I didn’t belong in Canada, I always felt that I needed to be on an Island surrounded by water. Thinking that this was just a dream I had or maybe it was because my life was so full of craziness. Living in active addiction for 28 years, running around causing hurricanes in my own life and others maybe I just wanted to escape.

However after being clean for some years that feeling never left me. I got into the routine of being a productive member of society. Getting and maintaining a job for a good company but still felt under-valued and under paid. Trying to maintain a lifestyle I could not afford. Now I am not talking about living the high-life. I am talking about renting a basement suite with cable, Internet and a used car; that always broke down. Living check to check, racking up credit card debt on what the media told me I needed and wanted to fit in.

Propaganda! The TV telling me that I needed this new car to be happy or the latest fashion designs to be a part of mainstream society. I always felt like I never measured up! I was taught to get an education, a good job, a reliable car, mortgage, marriage, kids etc. The dream?  It was always about how much I made and what I could afford. I was sick of it! Success was measured by what I had in the bank or with the toys I owned.  He who dies with the most toys, Wins!  Well the fact is your still dead and then what?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlFRMM87IU8&list=TLfIm4pRyr6eQ

I needed something more!

That something more is God.  That emptiness that I had, trying to fill up that hole, with things, that I couldn’t afford or really want in the hopes that I would feel complete.  Today that empty hole is gone because I allowed Jesus to be present in my life.  Today my God has a name and His name is Jesus. HE made some promises to me that I believe.  Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

Today I am restful, peaceful and full of gratitude that I listened to His voice inside me. I no longer need to buy stuff!  I gave all the stuff up and I am much happier for it. I do not watch TV here with all the “I must buy” crap. I don’t need the expensive toys that I once needed. Well, to be honest I still have a love of dive gear that enables me to pursue my passion of God’s underwater playground. Here, my backyard is mostly, free, I have access to the ocean on either side of me.

I am forever grateful that I took a chance of the unknown and made the one of the best decisions in my life and moved to Mx.

Blessings

scubagirl

 

 

 

The Decision To Move To Another Country