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Circling The Drain

circlign the drain

My forties are coming to a close, and the ever-looming fifties are upon me.   We make up fun sayings when we end a decade to make the slap of reality less painful. Flirty Thirty, Naughty Forty, and Filthy Fifty! So we get nastier with age!

My forties have been about learning how life works, becoming okay with who I am as a woman. In my experience, I was more than happy to leave my thirties behind, as well as my twenties. I came into my own in my forties, and it only took me 25 years to do it.

My Thirties

This decade was filthy in more ways than one. I was still in active addiction, and most of my thirties passed me by without a thought. I remember the days would pass into weeks and weeks in months and months into years.  Each New Year would come around, and I would think, “Wow, another year, and I am still alive.”  I began to have some clarity in my 38th year. And with the help of God, I went to a recovery house for women that changed my entire being.

I was in my forties when I discover the woman in me, and what it meant to be me without a belly full of drugs! I started to develop into a responsible, productive, loving, kind woman.

These are some of the things I have come to realize in the last decade:

  1. Learned how to be a friend
  2. Let go of toxic things, and the only people in my life love and respect me. (this one took awhile)
  3. Experienced love and trust and could reciprocate it back.
  4. Learned how to forgive and sometimes even forget.
  5. Stopped caring if I had makeup on to go to the grocery store.
  6. Started to love me and all my imperfections.
  7. Keeping a scorecard is never worth it – letting go wins, so much less energy.
  8. Everyone is not going to love you, and that’s okay, love anyways.
  9. Live in the solution, not the problem. (this way of thinking helped me tremendously)
  10. Began a sweet relationship with Jesus. ♥♥♥♥♥♥
  11. Understood the meaning of the word surrender.
  12. I love breathing compressed air and being underwater more than being on land.
  13. My emotions rule me any longer.
  14. Getting acceptance of others and myself.
  15. Music is healing
  16. It’s okay to cry
  17. Not everyone will forgive you.
  18. I realized I was either operating out of fear or love.
  19. Either I was running too something or from something, and I needed to stop and be.
  20. Grief does lessen with time, and time does heal.
  21. I am more adventurous and bold than I thought – I moved to Mexico alone.
  22. It’s okay to agree to disagree with people and still find value in the friendship.
  23. My friends know everything about me and love and accept me anyway.
  24. Learned to be alone, but not lonely.
  25. Age is only a number, and I try not to let it define me. I have friends of all ages, and that gives me perspective.  
     

In conclusion, I know the next decade of my life is going to be excellent; I am going to embrace it with all its challenges and adventures and learning curves.

All I know for sure is:
 
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
 
Socrates

Blessings scubagirl65

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