My forties are coming to a close and the ever looming fifties are upon me. I’ve always heard stuff like 50 is the new 40’s or 30’s are the new 20’s. We make up fun sayings when we end a decade to make the slap of reality less painful. We come up with ways for theme birthday parties like Flirty Thirty, Naughty Forty and Filthy Fifty! So apparently we get nastier with age!
In my experience, I was more than happy to leave my thirties behind as well as my twenties. I have come into my own in my forties, and it only took me 25 years to do it. My forties have been so much about learning how life really works and becoming okay with who I am as a woman.
In my opinion my thirties were filthy in more ways than one. I was still in active addiction and most of my thirties passed me by without a thought. I just remember the days would pass into weeks and weeks in months and months into years. Each New Year would come around and I would think “wow, another year and I am still alive”. It was in the beginning of my 38th year that I began to have some clarity and with the help of God I was brought to a recovery house for women that changed my entire being.
Through this house, I started to discover the woman in me, and what it meant to be me without a belly full of something! But it was not until I entered my forties that I believe I really started to develop into a responsible, productive, loving, kind woman.
These are some of the things I have come to realize in the last decade:
I learned how to be a friend.
I learned how to let people go from my life that were toxic,
and the only people in my life love and respect me. (this one took awhile)
I experienced love and trust and could reciprocate it back.
I learned how to forgive and sometimes even forget.
I stopped caring if I had makeup on to go to the grocery store.
I started to love myself and all my imperfections.
Keeping a score card is never worth it – letting go wins, so much less energy.
Everyone is not going to love you and that’s okay just love.
I started to live in the solution not the problem. (this way of thinking helped me tremendously)
I began a sweet relationship with Jesus. ♥♥♥♥♥♥
I then started to understand what the meaning of the word surrender really means.
I truly love breathing compressed air and being underwater more than being on land.
I didn’t let my emotions rule me any longer
I have acceptance of others and myself.
Music is healing
It’s okay to cry
Not everyone will forgive you
I realized that I was either operating out of fear or love
I was either running too something or from something and I needed to stop and just be.
Grief does lessen with time and time does heal slowly.
I am more adventurous and bold than I thought – I moved to Mexico alone
That it is okay to agree to disagree with people and still find value in the friendship.
My friends know everything about me and love and accept me anyways.
I learned to be alone but not lonely.
Age is only a number and I try to not let it define me. I have friends of all ages and that gives me perspective.
Having said all that, I know my next decade of my life is going to be awesome;
I am going to embrace it with all its challenges and adventures and learning curves.
All I know for sure is:
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.