Darkness Spiritual Journey

Grief: Do you feel like you’re drowning?

It’s been quite a long while since I put pen to paper or fingers to keys. In the last couple of years, I have had a lot of traumas in my life.

I finally feel like I am back to becoming my old self, or maybe it’s a new self?

Webster’s definition of grief: deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement or poignant distress: painfully affecting the feelings or pain or suffering affecting the body.

Grief comes from many things; the most often thought of is the death of someone. Or maybe it’s the death of a relationship ending in divorce or separation—the loss of a career, illness etc.

The one thing that is the great equalizer in our lives is heartbreak. I don’t think one human on this earth gets away without it. Heartbreak and grief are so personal. Each person experiences it differently.

Ultimately how would we know joy if we have never known sadness? The good vs evil, the ying vs yang.

We have approximately about 276,000 days in our life. There have to be many heartaches in that many days. I remember my first heartache when I was 14 yrs old. I cried and cried over a boy. My mom told me, you don’t cry; there will be many more heartaches in your life. I was furious at her for that. But guess what? She was right—many more with way more trauma.

Death

Death is one of the traumas I have experienced, and it’s not new to me either, but I think with age, I am coming to realize that it is more of a new normal for me than ever before.

I read a beautiful article from a man describing grief, and since I am such a mermaid, I could relate to it. https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/

He talks about how when a death occurs, we feel like we are drowning, and grief waves keep crashing over us. I feel like I have been underwater now for two years.

Sometimes we need to Let go and surrender.

Loss

Grief is a tricky emotion.

I stopped doing all my favourite things, such as scuba diving. Diving became a chore, and I would find hundreds of excuses why I couldn’t go. Now that should’ve been the first thing I caught, but I was so wrapped up I didn’t even notice. The things I once loved, I had no desire to do. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into years. I stopped accepting invitations out, phone calls and wouldn’t answer texts. The despair was heavy and dark. I didn’t think I would ever see the light again.

When I get sick with the flu or cold, especially with a fever, I never know how sick I was until I came out of the illness. It is the same with grief. I didn’t realize it was that bad until finally, my head is clear. I can see colour again and hear the birds sing. One day it changed.

If you have grief in your life, hold on. The days will become brighter. It will happen when the time is right for you. Keep talking about it to friends and family until you can get through the story without breaking down. Treat yourself with kindness and love, and try not to play the what-if game too long.

This too shall pass, my friend.

With love

scubagirl65

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