We all struggle with something about ourselves that we dislike and would like to change, mine has always been a little thing called Surrender. I will fight to the death on any given point. Controlling, trying to control, until it makes me crazy. A small whisper in my ear “surrender Roxanne, let go, and you will feel better”. Yet I hold on until I do something incredibly stupid and or push people away by holding on to hard -with claw marks on the object. The cloak of isolation envelopes me, I feel alone and unloved. This is where my head takes me – feelings of rejection, abandonment, all because of something that happened 50 yrs ago at the start of my journey.
In reality, I am loved. I am valued and I am special to some. I have worth to many. The enemy of my mind wants me to isolate and feel depressed and alone.
When I feel like this, I might wallow for a while and lick my wounds and play the why game but eventually that gets old and I want to get into the solution. I listened to a podcast recently on how to overcome rejection by Dr. Aziz and he put it so simply. There are two types of rejection; internal and external. Most of the time we perceive it as internal. We take a simple no and turn it into “I am not good enough” I am too short, too fat, not worthy whatever your mantra happens to be. When this happens we need to stop and take a real look at what is ACTUALLY happening. The person that you think is rejecting you probably has stuff going on in their life that has NOTHING to do with you. We tend to think that we have so much control. That if I only said this or said that, the person wouldn’t have rejected me. When the reality of it is that it has NOTHING to do with you. Dr. Aziz puts this as a great analogy. If someone offers you a cookie and you say meh I don’t want the cookie, I know if I eat this cookie I will feel like crap later or you decide to eat the cookie. when you reject the cookie you don’t think it’s a bad cookie. It’s just not for you.
I have found that when my head starts reeling and twisting and turning onto something I can’t seem to let go of – I simply need to tell myself to STOP in my outside voice. That gives me a few seconds to then proceed to change that thought into something positive. Out loud I start a mantra that is positive: I am worthy, I am smart, I am beautiful, I am exceptional, I am perfect – you get the picture – whatever means the most to you. I take the negative and turn that into a positive. For example, I am not worthy to I am worthy.
This is something we need to work at and it’s not a quick fix solution. We didn’t get this way overnight and we won’t fix it overnight either. There is beauty in surrendering I just wish I would do it sooner.