Learning to Be Alone

Waiting and learning to be alone by yourself without stuffing your feelings with food, booze, or whatever your vice is an art or skill. Are we ever even taught it is okay to just be? Right from the time we are young, parents bombard us with a hectic schedule with schools and outside activities like soccer, softball, or whatever. And today the kids are busier and busier with plans every day and no time to be a kid. As we grow into adults, we find our way with jobs, and hopefully; We have friends we can drink the occasional glass of wine. As a young woman with a family, there never seems to be enough time for you with the demands of small children and spouses.

My Challenge in Waiting

Single 50-year-old woman https://www.allmybagsarecarryon.com/addiction-growing-older-growing-wiser with a grown daughter out of the house. Having lots of time on my hands and I found this to be challenging. Today I’m not super active where I work out, and I don’t hang out in the bars any longer. So where do I put my energy other than binge-watching Netflix? 

A friend told me I overthink and to be fair, I have a lot of time to contemplate life; which can be detrimental to me. They should not leave me alone unattended. My best thoughts can lead me astray to unhealthy behaviors and over the years, I’ve tried to conquer them. I’ve made progress, but every so often I find myself in self-destructive thoughts and backsliding behaviors.

This is not a dress rehearsal!

I see all these posts on social media saying, “This is not a dress rehearsal, live your life with meaning,” or “Live your life to the fullest.” What does this mean?  

Waiting. What am I waiting for?

Because in the last few years, I have lived in fear, or I am waiting for my life to start. When there is enough money or when I meet the perfect person, or I lose enough weight and basically Before I know I will be too old to do the things I want and will look back on my experiences in life with regret for all the dreams, I never had the guts to do. 

Being an old lady with no fresh adventures except for the chaotic years which lasted decades. I want to make new, exciting adventures with fresh stories and new people in my life. Nike had it right all those years ago. “Feel the fear and do it, anyway!” I am guilty of complacency. This is good enough. Settling down and waiting.

My Eat, Pray Love

Besides, I’ve wanted to travel, and there are hundreds of excuses for why I can’t just DO IT! From I don’t have money or time, I can’t go alone! EXCUSES.

My journey of Eat, Pray, Love, and I went solo to Thailand in 2017. As scary as this was to me; to step out of my comfort zone of home and isolation. This adventure sparked something in me. I’m a doer, not a dreamer. I don’t want to be the person saying, “I wish I could be more like that person who just picks up and travels alone.” Today, I am that person who picks up and travels alone. 

I am tired of waiting, and I will make the most of what’s left of my life. 

What have you been waiting for?

Blessings, scubagirl65

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