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complacency

Waiting

Learning to be alone by yourself without stuffing your feelings with food, booze, or whatever your vice is an art or skill. Are we ever even taught that it is okay to just be? Right from the time we are young, parents bombard us with a hectic schedule with school and outside activities like soccer, softball, or whatever. And today the kids are more and more busy with plans every day and no time to be a kid. As we grow into adults, we find our way with jobs and hopefully; We have friends we can drink the occasional glass of wine. As a young woman with a family, there never seems to be enough time for you with the demands of small children and spouses.

As a single 50-year-old woman with a grown daughter out of the house, I have lots of time on my hands. I found this to be challenging. Today I’m not super active where I work out, and I don’t hang out in the bars any longer. so where do I put my energy other than binge-watching Netflix? 

A friend told me I overthink and to be fair, I have a lot of time to contemplate life;  which can be detrimental to me? I should not be left alone unattended. My best thoughts can lead me astray to unhealthy behaviors and over the years I’ve tried to conquer.  I’ve made progress, but every so often I find myself in self-destructive thoughts and backsliding behaviors.

I see all these posts on social media saying, “This is not a dress rehearsal, live your life with meaning,” or “Live your life to the fullest” what does this mean?  

In the last few years, I have lived in fear or I am waiting for my life to start. Waiting. What am I waiting for? When there is enough money or when I meet the perfect person or I lose enough weight. Before I know I will be too old to do the things I want and will look back on my experiences in life with regret of all the dreams, I never had the guts to do.

I don’t want to be an old lady with no new adventures except for the chaotic years which lasted decades. I want to make new adventures with new stories and new people in my life. Nike had it right all those years ago. “Feel the fear and do it, anyway!” I am guilty of complacency. This is good enough. Settling down and waiting.

I’ve wanted to travel, and there are hundreds of excuses why I can’t just DO IT! From I don’t have money or time, I can’t go alone! EXCUSES

I traveled to Thailand in 2017. My journey of Eat, Pray, Love and I went solo. As scary as this was to me; to step out of my comfort zone of home and isolation, this adventure sparked something in me. I’m a doer, not a dreamer. I don’t want to be the person saying, “I wish I could be more like that person who just picks up and travels alone.” Today, I am that person who picks up and travels alone. 

I am tired of waiting, and I will make the most of what’s left of my life. 

What have you been waiting for?

Blessings, scubagirl65