It is almost August 2 years since I left home and today I long for fresh air, rain and decent sushi. I am in a constant state of sweat except when I’m in the office where they turn the air con on so cold I have to wear a sweater
When I made the decision to move to Cabo I thought it was to simplify my life. What I have received has been much more. I am changing in ways that I never thought was possible. The person that I thought I was no longer applies. I am changing in spite of myself from the inside out.
Jesus took me from a life that was full of pain and loneliness about 10 yrs. ago but I never fully surrendered to his mercy and grace until I moved here and started going to church. I am starting to understand his love for me and believe that He indeed has a plan for me if I just get out of the way and let Him lead.
I always thought of myself as damaged goods and I was broken. God has picked me out of the ashes of a life that I burned to the ground and had been shuffling around in the ashes for decades. HE does not see me as I see myself. HE sees me as I see my child with unconditional love. Because I have allowed him in my heart HE has healed me, fixed me….mended me. I however have not caught up to this new life…..my old behaviors get in my way. My negative thinking, doubt and mistrust. Being a baby Christian I have much to learn. I try not to compare my knowledge or belief system to the others I surround myself with but the enemy (satan) the liar and thief wants to kill steal and destroy me. I was his soldier for many years, self-seeking only pleasure and running through people’s lives like a tornado. However, today I recognize his voice and I know it is not God’s, by knowing this one thing; I can stand strong in God’s word and fight!
I struggle sometimes with my faith! A struggle between the ” what’s right in this world” and ” what’s right in the spiritual world”, being promised things all my life and those promises being broken and I struggle with the promises of someone that I have never met face to face. To believe for the sake of believing and I have met many who possess that unwavering faith and belief. Baby steps, baby Christian I keep reminding myself. A friend said to me last night; “you believe in God, but do you believe Him?”
I love my life today.
If you are struggling or in pain, hold on. It gets better and “this too shall pass”